


Cat Got Your Tongue?

by robin_X3



Series: Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [5]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: And Shizuo can't believe it, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, But not as many this time sorry!, Crack, Finally!, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, It started with a meme, Izaya has ONE fear, M/M, Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27639077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3
Summary: Firefighter Shizuo expected to find a cat stuck in a tree, not a flea dressed like a catboy in distress.[This fic is a part of a series of (un)related one-shots in which Shizuo gets a new job and Izaya manages to get him fired.]
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Shizu-chan by Getting Him Fired? [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1988926
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	Cat Got Your Tongue?

"Where's the cat?"

"Meow?" came a purr from up above, sounding nothing like a cat.

Shizuo looked up at the canopy of branches, shielding his eyes from the sun's blinding rays, and spotted two black cat ears and a matching black tail, quivering in fear. He followed the tail to find…

"Izaya?!"

"Meow!!"

"Is that you Izaya?"

"Meow!!! See, I'm a cat-nya!"

"What are you **doing** up there?"

"You're a pretty pathetic firefighter if you don't even know why you've been dispatched, you stupid amoeba…Wait don't leave! Come back!" Izaya cried, extending his hand, but the shifting of weight made the branch tip downward and he quickly held on to it tighter.

Shizuo stopped, and turned, not yet coming near the tree where Izaya was dangling. "Mind telling me what's going on, without the unpleasantries?"

"That's not even a word anyone uses anymor…" Izaya started, and Shizuo sighed and took a step away from him, causing Izaya to blurt out, "I'm stuck. Help me get down from here, Shizu chan."

"What do you mean you're ' _stuck'_? You parkour over the tallest towers of 'Bukuro without a care in the world. Surely you can get down from a measly tree. Stop wasting my time Izaya."

"No, I really _am_ stuck." Izaya whined. "You can't leave a poor cat trapped in a tree. It's your duty as a firefighter!"

Shizuo turned around to glare at him incredulously, and at the sight of the blond in hastily dressed firefighter garb- black t-shirt soaked with sweat from having run all the way over from the station, muscular hands tucked into his firefighter-pants pockets and his characteristic glower aimed solely at Izaya, the informant finally understood the allure of the firefighter-themed posters he'd often scoffed at online.

Izaya shook his head and focused on the words Shizuo was saying instead of his lips, “...just climb that pole down to the ground, will you?”

“Get me down from here and I’d climb **your** pole all day!”

“I didn’t bring my pole or ladder! Just drop and roll, alright?”

“I’d love to _stop, drop and roll_ with you Shizu chan, but as you can see, I’m literally hanging on for my life.”

“What are you saying? Come down here before I shoot you down with my hose.”

“Stop bragging about your long schlong you filthy fireman.”

“I can’t hear you!” Shizuo cupped his mouth and yelled at the informant.

“I know it sounds dirty and I’d be proud any other time, but I’m at my limit Shizu chan! Get me off!” Izaya screamed back, his eyes wide and fearful.

Sighing, Shizuo approached the tree cautiously and looked around for anyone or anything that might have caused Izaya to act like this. Was some international spy or foreign assassin hiding in the bushes, waiting to snipe Izaya? Did Izaya finally go over his head and have the yakuza coming after his head? Shizuo couldn’t wait for Izaya to get what he deserved, and yet seeing him shaking like a leaf while trying to hide between leaves made him feel a tiny, very tiny twinge of guilt in his heart.

After a quick sweep of the vicinity, Shizuo determined that there was nothing that immediately screamed DANGER- no suspicious men in black suits, no foreigners in obvious plainclothes. In fact, the place was relatively abandoned. Since this path was secluded by the overgrown trees from the main roads, few people even knew it existed. Also, safe to assume, even if there was someone here that could pose a threat to either of them, Shizuo was more than sure he could handle it.

“Come down Izaya. It’s safe, I’ve checked.”

Izaya shook his head, hiding his face in the crook of one arm while he pointed at something with the other.

Confused, Shizuo followed Izaya’s pointed finger to a little bush that, despite there being no wind, rustled, and then made a small “Woof!”

Wait a minute.

_Wait a goddamn minute!_

“Are you afraid of dogs Izaya?” 

“No way. Never. I’m Orihara Izaya. I’m no mere mortal! I’m a **god**! And gods have no weaknesses... Oh God put that filthy thing down who knows what kind of germs it has!” Izaya shrieked, scandalized as Shizuo picked up the tiny terrier, cuddling it in his arms. 

“Aww what’s this little boy gonna do?” The puppy licked Shizuo’s face excitedly and Izaya felt an unexpected pang of jealousy bubble up in his chest. “He’s harmless!” Shizuo lifted the puppy up for Izaya to see better, causing him to flail and burrow deeper into the canopy of branches with a frightened squeak.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair-” Shizuo started with a laugh, then had to duck to dodge the throwing knife Izaya had _“let down”_ at him instead. 

“Alright alright, I’ll take this ferocious _dragon_ away before you end up cutting him. Hang tight.”

“Haha so funny.” Izaya mocked as he clung to the branch for dear life, reconsidering his choice of prank for the day: Sure, he’d made adjustments to ensure “ _fireman_ ”-Shizuo would be dispatched to rescue the _“stray kitten_ ”-Izaya stuck on a tree, but what he hadn’t accounted for was a filthy, obnoxious, slobbering mutt to intervene! And he even had a perfect plan this time- dress up as Shizuo’s weakness- which was cats, ogle Shizuo, and steal a kiss ( and in the process, finally confirm his recent, more-severe-than-usual infatuation with Shizuo was nothing more than his horny brain running away with his _‘handsome men in uniform’_ kink and nothing else.)

“The coast is clear, you can come down now _princess_ ,” called out said handsome man in firefighter uniform, and the way Shizuo growled the word caused something weird to flutter in Izaya’s stomach. Izaya considered if his breakfast wasn’t sitting well with him, or if Namie actually had poisoned it. Because there was no way Shizuo calling him degrading names would be a turn-on. _No way._

“No!”

“Stop being stubborn, brat. Just jump down from there!”

“What if it comes back?”

“It won’t! I gave it to my colleague, and he took it to the station.” Shizuo sighed. “Hey, It’s alright. No need to be embarrassed. We’re all alone now, and no one’s seen your weakness.” Shizuo splayed his hands wide, “I’ll catch you. Trust me, okay?”

Izaya nodded, closed his eyes, inhaled…. and let go.

He felt himself freefalling, the wind whipping his coat around him, and half-regretted starting this whole thing after being inspired by a stupid meme, half-regretted getting too engrossed in the fun he was having coming up with this whole scheme to look at the bigger picture…

And then he felt strong, firm hands wrapping around him, felt Shizuo’s lingering body-heat from the coat that Shizuo had gathered him in. And Izaya, touch-starved and lonely but too proud to admit it, felt himself involuntarily huddle closer to the warmth and affection, closer to where he could hear Shizuo’s heart thumping away, strong, powerful, just like him, albeit a little erratic.

_Why was it beating so fast?_

He sneaked a peek from between closed eyelids, and saw the faint streak of red tinting Shizuo’s cheeks, only then noticing how close they were. 

Izaya muffled the voice inside him that told him to break this odd, precious moment- make some innuendo, joke about needing Shizuo’s CPR- piss him off and have him chase after him through Ikebukuro; do their usual cat and mouse dance.

The urge to burn down this warm, fuzzy feeling, to cut Shizuo up so bad he wouldn’t ever dare to hold him again so affectionately, ruin their camaraderie like he did everything, was strong.

But Izaya smothered it, chased it away and closed his eyes again. There’d be more time to tease Shizuo later. Izaya pretended to be asleep and tentatively cuddled closer, and felt the arms around him hold him more securely- gentle despite the strength he knew they housed within.

For now, Izaya just wanted to bask in this feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I promised a kiss, but my plans got derailed just like Izaya's (￣▽￣*)ゞ  
> Leave a kudos or comment! I'd love to hear what you think about the sudden _plot_.


End file.
